The Peaceful Phlegmatic is not so peaceful
* 2009-05-27 - 12:33 p.m. *
I�ve always made an effort to treat my husband with nothing but love and respect. I�ve never raised my voice, I always make it a point to not be bossy and I try to be understanding of his need for space when he needs it. I also make it a point not to be stepped on and walked all over. Except for now. Maybe it�s hormones or lack of sleep, but I definitely feel disrespected and unappreciated. I just LOVE it when my husband tells me I don�t do anything all day. I am being sarcastic. Yes my husband has three jobs. But two of those jobs are what I would consider fun jobs. If I got to hang out in a bar, drink free beer and be around music for 3 to 4 hours I would be in heaven. Instead I get to hear how awful it is to be up all night, twice a week, and how exhausted he is. �I�m sorry Honey, but I don�t have any sympathy.� I�m becoming bitter and he�s starting to feel it. I�m not the best communicator when it comes to confronting people on how I feel harmed. Ask any of my exes. I don�t think any of them really knew how I felt until it was too late or it was over. I blame it on being a Cancer. When I�m upset I go into my little shell and hope that when I come out again everything will be better.� Things don�t ever get better do they? Last night I was reduced to tears from over exhaustion. I also started birth control pills again so I�m a little wacky anyway. After five hours of Olivia being fussy I finally got into bed. I was trying to keep my crying to a whisper but Mike is very sensitive to my emotions. I really can�t keep anything secret from him. �Are you crying?� I ignored him. �Hon, are you crying? What�s the matter?� �I�m exhausted. Now go to bed.� �Are you mad at me?� �I�m just overly tired and I�m feeling a little helpless right now.� �It�s probably just the pill.� �No it�s not just the fucking pill.� I snapped and Mike never lets me get away with snapping. It�s his Scorpio, Powerful Choleric personality. Unfortunately I�m not my usual peaceful self so I snap back again. Don�t you dare belittle how I�m feeling right now. It�s definitely not a peaceful household right now. Mom called early this morning, begging to have Olivia over night. She wouldn�t take no for an answer and I don�t have any fight in me anyway. Tonight will be a good night for a us to get things back on track. I just need to stop being so depressed and or pissed off all of the time. I read the blogs of all of these new moms that are doing so much better then we are and I can�t help but be a little jealous. Is it just me? Can I just not handle?