The Peaceful Phlegmatic is not so peaceful
* 2009-05-27 - 12:33 p.m. *
I’ve always made an effort to treat my husband with nothing but love and respect. I’ve never raised my voice, I always make it a point to not be bossy and I try to be understanding of his need for space when he needs it. I also make it a point not to be stepped on and walked all over. Except for now. Maybe it’s hormones or lack of sleep, but I definitely feel disrespected and unappreciated. I just LOVE it when my husband tells me I don’t do anything all day. I am being sarcastic. Yes my husband has three jobs. But two of those jobs are what I would consider fun jobs. If I got to hang out in a bar, drink free beer and be around music for 3 to 4 hours I would be in heaven. Instead I get to hear how awful it is to be up all night, twice a week, and how exhausted he is. “I’m sorry Honey, but I don’t have any sympathy.” I’m becoming bitter and he’s starting to feel it. I’m not the best communicator when it comes to confronting people on how I feel harmed. Ask any of my exes. I don’t think any of them really knew how I felt until it was too late or it was over. I blame it on being a Cancer. When I’m upset I go into my little shell and hope that when I come out again everything will be better.” Things don’t ever get better do they? Last night I was reduced to tears from over exhaustion. I also started birth control pills again so I’m a little wacky anyway. After five hours of Olivia being fussy I finally got into bed. I was trying to keep my crying to a whisper but Mike is very sensitive to my emotions. I really can’t keep anything secret from him. “Are you crying?” I ignored him. “Hon, are you crying? What’s the matter?” “I’m exhausted. Now go to bed.” “Are you mad at me?” “I’m just overly tired and I’m feeling a little helpless right now.” “It’s probably just the pill.” “No it’s not just the fucking pill.” I snapped and Mike never lets me get away with snapping. It’s his Scorpio, Powerful Choleric personality. Unfortunately I’m not my usual peaceful self so I snap back again. Don’t you dare belittle how I’m feeling right now. It’s definitely not a peaceful household right now. Mom called early this morning, begging to have Olivia over night. She wouldn’t take no for an answer and I don’t have any fight in me anyway. Tonight will be a good night for a us to get things back on track. I just need to stop being so depressed and or pissed off all of the time. I read the blogs of all of these new moms that are doing so much better then we are and I can’t help but be a little jealous. Is it just me? Can I just not handle?