I like porn. I starred in a couple but the only people who will ever see them are the hubster and me�except if I make it to 80. Then I�ll get them out there. They�re very hot.
I love rain storms. I love the silence right before it hits, when the winds change direction and the dark blue clouds are seen in the distance. Like an unknown danger, a look in the eye that says more then words ever could. The air smells sweet and green, and the winds begin to blow�and then it falls. The rain, like a thousand kisses caressing every inch of my body. But it�s when the lightning hits that excites me. The electricity, like a first kiss. The kind that bolts your feet to the ground and makes you dizzy.
I love the way my home smells. Gingerbread Spice and Lavender.
I love my friends. The most caring, wonderful people in the entire world. I would forgive them anything and they would do the same for me.
I love the way a book feels in my hands and the way I get so lost that I forget that in fact I am reading and not watching something on television.
I love the way my bed feels. Soft yet firm with tons of room to stretch. Except when the hubby feels like cuddling. Then I melt myself against his form, feet and arms entangled.
I love making things with my hands. A ball of clay, a paint brush; a knife and a cutting board. I love to cook as much as I love to dance or sing. It�s my sanity when I feel like my creativity is being oppressed.
Most of all, I love my husband. I love the way he looks at me. I love the way he bends down to kiss me. The feeling of his hands on my face when he tells me he loves me. The concern in his eyes when I tell him that I feel my body failing me.
I think of all of these things and realize that I can�t give up. I can�t just let myself go on the way I have. I will not be like my grandparents and die before I hit 40. I�m stronger then this. I had made up my mind that I wasn�t going to have children, I wasn�t going to watch what I eat, I wasn�t going to care any more. I was going to let the pain take over me and let myself drown with it. With every moment I felt myself falling deeper and deeper and I was almost to the point that the damage I was causing was irreversible. And I stopped. I put the mac and cheese down and thought of all of the things that I loved. The things that I would be giving up if I kept hurting my self. I thought of all the people who love ME. The people I would be hurting. I thought of the look in Mike�s eyes when I was exhausted from a day of horking, bleeding and the pain that wouldn�t end and I said, �Darling, I�m so tired. My body can�t take much more of this.� How unfair I�ve been. I�m not going to be unfair anymore.